I did it.
I am the smallest I've been as an adult.
Usually I'm stoked and SUPER happy at progress such as this. Especially since in the last week my weight has decided to work with me and not against me. Working out AND eating healthy wasn't getting me anywhere for a little while there. My body finally decided to let go of the "set point" I think it had reserved for me.
Problem is, I'm to go to Pracs this weekend. Here I am at my new "low" and I am scared to death. I don't want a downward spiral that seems to happen every other time. I don't even want to eat the Pracs food. I actually told Shane that I think I shouldn't go, maybe do a different study in June. He got annoyed with me. He was trying to set up babysitting with his mom and sister, so he didn't like me coming in and ruining the "plans" eventhough those plans hadn't been figured out yet. He still hadn't heard back from them.
So, here I am sitting in this annoyed place because I'd have to leave tomorrow to screen, HOPE that me hitting the gym YESTERDAY won't count against me, check-in to Pracs FRIDAY, and eat the nasty FATTY breakfast that I HATE with MEAT on Saturday and Sunday morning. I do that twice and I get an easy one grand. Why does this seem like the least easy grand ever though? For me it's choosing between my new moral decision and money. Alot of people would say: "take the money! you're ONLY eating meat because you're getting paid for it" but then what stops me from doing it any other time? I feel like if I make an excuse for it this time, that makes it "ok" to make an excuse another time. I don't think I'm ok with that, but I don't really know what to do. Another downside for ME, although Shane really just doesn't seem to get me, is that I just lost a stubborn 5 lbs that I haven't been able to before. I'm in a new place. Going to Pracs and their overly buttery/greasy food will make me gain about 5 over the weekend and SURE I can lose that when I get out, but uh, talk about ANNOYING.
But Shane is giving me a guilt trip and I am NOT good under those circumstances. I wish I wasn't such a people pleaser. I wish I didn't care what people thought.
Any insight, feel free to throw your opinion out there. Thanks for listening and sorry I'm not my usual chipper self.
Ashley

weight: 135.6

lbs left to mini-goal: 0.6

time left to hit mini-goal: 2 days