So, I'm feeling good (great actually) and decided that the only one that was ever stopping me from getting to my *ideal* body was...ME. So, after I got my craziness out of the equation, everything will be FINE! I'm excited.
I KNOW that by my birthday I will be proud of all of my accomplishments. I know that I'll be smaller than I've been in like 9 years and I'll be the healthiest I've ever been: mentally and physically. I'm truly excited.
So, I'm writing this before packing up the kids and heading to the gym (like I generally do) and like before I notice that the MORE I write on here and the more that I put all my feelings down the easier everything gets. I don't want to let myself down OR any of my like 2-3 readers.
I have a mini-bump in the road. (not a true big bump, because I feel as long as I am prepared, then I will be okay)
My best friend Nicole (the girl I pretty much always talk about) is having her b-day next week. Tuesday. Less than a week. Now, I know by then I'll be like 3 lbs less than I am now and I don't want to go and GAIN IT RIGHT BACk because then I'm killing myself on that treadmill for NOTHING!!!
So...I have no problem eating healthy if we go out to eat (i can do that, no biggie) but at night when she wants to drink (and trust me, that's what we DO, our THING) how do I sweetly let her down that I don't want alcohol in my body because I am trying to give it the cleanest fuel possible? ALSO, how do I counter the: "but only tonight, for my b-day" argument that I might get?
any suggestions??
I DON'T want to cheat. I'm DONE with that. I feel it. I'm at that place where I'm going to work my A$$ off and get the best results possible...and sure one day (in the far....far....future) i'll go back to letting some stuff in, i KNOW that I can't do that right now. I know myself and my binge eating cycle. I DON'T want that!!
Okay, any input would be great, otherwise, love you all!
Ash (oh...and I figure when I hit 160 and every 5 lbs thereafter I'll post pics...that'll be EXTRA motivation for me.)

weight: 163.4 lbs

Calories Burned: 875

Calories Eaten: 1400

Weight left to hit goal: 41.4

Time left to hit goal: 15 and 1/2 weeks

OH---and yesterday I ran TWO miles straight!!! I'm coming back everyone....just wait~!

Well, well, well.
So, this morning I hopped on the scale and was plesantly surprised. What I was expecting to still be horrific and terrifying had calmed down immensley. So, here I am pretty much exactly where I was one week ago. Shane even said to me, "Aren't you glad you got to cheat now, since you didn't really have a gain?" I said, "No, I wish I'd have lost some." That showed me that eventhough OTHER people can probably have cheat days and get away with it, mine is still pretty mad at me that I gained so much of this weight back in the first place. So...I don't plan to cheat for awhile, and I'm ok with that. Then I'll know I'm doing everything right and feel better about myself.
So, last night I did REALLY, REALLY well at the gym. I ran 1.5 miles right off the bat and could've kept running if my kiddies would've stopped making each other cry. I just recently updated my mp3 music, and I think that has a lot to do with it. But anyway, after working out for almost 2 hours and having restless, crazy, annoying children...I had to take them home and feed them. Weird thing was that I didn't feel like I'd had a hard workout at all. I still felt all energetic and all that. So, I take that as a good sign that my endurance is coming back... (yes!)
I guess that's my news for today. So far anyway... I will post again tomorrow. I hope (*hope*) to be in the 150s at some point next week. I don't feel good here in the 160s. It just doesn't feel right~! lol
Love ya'll and thanks for the support~
Ash

Weight: 164.2 lbs

Calories Eaten: 1410

Calories Burned: 900

Weight left to lose: 42.2 lbs

Time left to hit goal: 15 weeks 5 days.

P.S. OH, and i had this sort of epiphany last night. When Shane was gone, I was SO devoted and determined because I knew that if I gave it my all EVERY day that I would hit all my goals and hopes much sooner. So, for the next month, I will be HARDCORE again. wish me luck!

So, I had a cheat day this weekend (yesterday) and thought that since I'd had many great workouts over the last week, that'd I'd be ok.
Wrong.
I stepped on the scale this morning and was in absolute shock. Granted it could be water weight, or maybe I haven't digested completely, or who knows what...but to go from 163.whatever to 170.6 DOESN'T MAKE SENSE to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, maybe my body just can't handle cheating. It seemed so much harder to lose weight this week too. I was eating great and working out HARD, and nothing was really happening, then I have a cheat day and get ATTACKED by the pounds?? I can only hope that TOMORROW morning my body lets go of whatever it's holding onto. Now, I'm sad.
No more cheat days for me, unless it's my b-day or something. (not til august).
Boo.
Ash

Calories Burned: 1175
Calories Eaten: 1480
Weight Left to hit goal: pretty much all of it.
let's see what i weigh in tomorrow, i guess. :(

Okay, so guess what?! Shane brought home pizza today. I had the "tiniest" bite, and i'm not even kidding. And, it wasn't even that good. But that was it. He even called before coming home from lunch and asked if I wanted cheesy taters, i said "no". then after he left, i made myself a 'healthy choice roast beef' sandwish with laughing cow lite swiss (if you haven't tried it, OMG you are missing out!!!!) and carrot sticks, skim milk, yogurt and a sugar free dulce de leche pudding snack.
YUM! I'm full, content and happy that I didn't splurge. (eventhough it was supreme pizza, which I DON'T like, but I still said no to BK AND could've had pizza and picked off toppings... :P)
So, I'm pretty proud of myself. I was a wee-bit annoyed this morning and thought I would've lost like .2 or something AT least something because of crazy good day I had yesterday at the gym...but no, I stayed the same. So, here I've been doing this for 1/2 a week and I've lost .6. Now....I KNOW that USUALLY that would be totally fine and good and all that, but since I JUST Got off eating bad, I was expecting it to be a LITTLE faster. I know 1-2 lbs a week is healthy and normal.....BUT I'm also a little crazier in the gym than a "normal" exercise program. Ah, oh well. I'm gonna keep it up for the full week, and then maybe i'll switch back to all-natural. I had huge success with that!
OHHHHHH....and thank you JOHN! You had the GREATEST idea about the movie popcorn. I know that if I go to the movie that I'll HAVE to get something and if I KNOW I'm not depriving myself and get a kiddie size, I'll be JUST FINE. That was a wonderful idea. Plus, I have eaten just a little lighter today to compensate for the higher calorie popcorn later.
Great idea!
Okay, I'll post again later, but I gotta get off to the gym before Shane gets home from work!!!

Weight: 163.6 lbs (boo...)

Calories eaten: 1640

Calories Burned: 900

Lbs left to hit goal: 41.6

So, I *MAY* have figured out how to deal with my overeating with Shane. So, that's good. I started getting really sarcastic and kind of rude when he'd bring things up. Even just today. We went to the store and he's like, "how can you say 'no' to cheesesticks" and I said, "it's easy when my clothes don't fit me anymore," (and I'm NOT unpacking my fat clothes, only keeping them for if I EVER get pregnant again one day). Then he'll say, "don't you want cheesy tots" (they're from Burger King and let me tell you SOOO yummy) and I'd say, "sure I want them, but I want everything, when's it EVER going to stop?" And then I just try to change the subject. It's working SO far and I'm about to be finished with Day 3 as I'm in the process of cooking up a healthy dinner.
Now, I have a new obstacle. I may have tackled this OTHER issue, but I have a different one. I'm a movie popcorn FANATIC. As in, I would go and get movie popcorn WITHOUT seeing a movie. Just walk in there, buy it, and leave, and eat it all night. I LOVE THE STUFF. AND, there's only been one movie in my life I haven't had with popcorn. It's kind of my weakness I guess you could say, and I might be going to a movie tomorrow. How do I deal with that??? What do I do? The smell alone is going to kill me. ARGH!!!! Help. Any advice would truly be appreciated.
Love ya'll

Weight: 163.6

Calories Burned: 1340 (that includes running 1.5 miles this afternoon and another mile at night...didn't know I could go that far so soon, guess SOME of my endurance is still there. )

Calories Consumed: 1540

Weight left to hit goal: 41.6 lbs

Time left to hit goal: 16 and 1/2 weeks