...from this CRAZY dream.
I got a little antsy this morning when I woke up and went through all my clothes and tried on stuff that used to not fit, used to fit when I was a teen, and things that have NEVER fit, that I bought ONLY for a goal...lol
Everything fits.
Everything.
Um.
I don't even know what to do. All my clothes (normal ones, used to be normal anyway) are too big. Uh....what the heck am I supposed to do??! lol I don't want to go out and buy a new wardrobe until I feel like I'm done losing weight, but I've never been in a position where I'm so limited. I have the new shorts/capris that I bought, some dresses I never thought would look ok on me, my old school khaki goal pants I've had for LITERALLY almost 7 years, and ONE pair of jeans that fit. Everything else looks sloppy. Shirt wise, I only have a few of those as well. LOTS of sweaters and warm clothes that fit, but for summer? Not much.
Hmmmm. Didn't see this coming.
Interesting.
Oh well, I'll just live in my gym clothes that are starting to sag on me, until I'm ready to go shopping for real.
Oh, and I didn't gain today. Full on expected to, and would've been ok with that...I lost another 0.4- that leaves me speechless.
Okay, have a great Friday, everyone! My weekend should be interesting. :)
Ashley

weight: 133.4 (officially LOWER 130s, never REALLY thought I'd say that!!!) :)

lbs to lose for mini-goal: 2

time left for mini-goal: 1 and 1/2 weeks. hmmm. That seems do-able, but IF I don't hit it, that's ok. I'm expecting things to slow down. It can't keep going at this rate, can it. BTW: prepare yourselves, the day I am 120-anything I will FREAK OUT!!!!!
love ya'll!




OH! and I got an email asking what my daily meals look like, so here you go:

breakfast: 1 1/2 cups high fiber cereal with 1/2 cup skim or 1/2 cup oatmeal made with water and with 3 tsp brown sugar
snack: 1 oz cashews or pitachios or fruit
lunch: soup, fruit (love kiwi, they're low cal, banana, apple, etc), and carrots with light ranch. sometimes I have a micro meal.
snack: cottage cheese w/pineapple (obsessed with this!!) or with no sugar added canned peaches
dinner: brown rice, veggie (like green beans, or broccoli) I usually mix them together with garlic OR with 1 oz of cheddar, then on the side, sometimes a sweet potato or regular potato all by itself.

I try to stick as much to whole grains/natural as I can. Also, I've been hitting the gym alot! There you are. Thanks for the interest. :)

Okay, so if there's two things that women (or me, I should say) don't get "excited" to shop for, it's shorts and swimsuits. You just usually don't feel that GREAT about yourself after trying on things that are "revealing."
Scratch that.
Last week I tried on some shorts at Gordmans in the Juniors department. I bought a pair of PERFECTLY cute plaid ones and a pair of capris. To give you an idea of how often I buy shorts (not talking pjs here, or buying some on sale for $2 because its a good deal, I'm talking REAL clothes) the last time I did was 4+ years ago. That's right, long, long ago. I've never liked my legs. Even when I was 13, had a rocking PERFECT little body (thank you Soccer) I hated my legs because my sister called me chubby. (she later told me that she only did that because she was jealous that I could wear anything) but since I didn't know that at the time, I hated my body. Well, my short legs anyhow. Anyway, fast forward a decade (yikes) and I've still hated my legs. Not so much that their ugly or cellulite-y, thing is for a "woman" I don't CARE about cellulite, 99% of girls have it, so why should I freak out if I do??? Besides, if someone wants to look and try to find some and then judge me that harshly, I don't care.
So...back to my subject: once I hit the 130s, I'd been itching to get some shorts. Kind of a way to show myself that I'm not hating how things are looking down there. I wore some shorts last summer over Labor day weekend when I went camping, I made them out of my old jeans that were too big. Then I brought some camo shorts that I got at Pennys for like $1.99 at a crazy sale (see above), but they weren't "flattering" in anyway, just comfy for a hot summer.
Well, last week before Pracs I found some ADORABLE little plaid shorts. Not too short to show any naughty bits, but not too long that they cut me in half at the knee (i'm 5'2" remember, people?), and I fell IN LOVE with them. I didn't buy them because I was going to Pracs and scared I'd gain weight and then be bummed if I got out and they didn't fit. Well, I got out, tried them on again and they fit. I bought them. I also bought the ONLY capri's that have EVER fit me and looked ok. When you have muscular thighs and you're short, it's HARD to pull off the capri look. I know lots of people that try, but generally I think you need to be taller to look good in them OR really really tiny. Well, I found some that were cute. So, I bought them too. FIRST capri's EVER.
Ready for this: They were BOTH a size......Seven.
Sweet.
I feel like when I put them on they're suddenly going to not fit or something crazy. I can't believe I'm small enough to fit them. It's such a wonderful feeling that it makes up for all the late night munchies that I gave up to feel it! I know it seems like I'm ranting ON and ON about crap, but it's a big deal to me! lol. It was like another goal to hit. Everyone I hit, I like stop and go into shock with myself. It's like I'm finally doing this. It feels SOOOO good. That's all.
Oh, so as for the heading, insanity? What I weighed in at this morning. I have to be dehydrated (although I drink LOTS of water) or SOMETHING. I couldn't possibly weigh, what I weigh. I FULLY expect a gain tomorrow. It just doesn't feel like it can be real. It's going too fast, isn't it supposed to start going slow? lol.
Ahh....guess we'll see in the morning. :)
Okay, love you guys, sorry about the rambling.
Ash

weight: 133.8 (<-----WHAT? How? I ate rice before going to bed! lol)

lbs left to lose for mini-goal: 2.4

time left to hit mini-goal: 11 days

So, I had a gameplan worked out for the weekend and I trusted myself to follow it, and.....
I did.
I actually made it through a Pracs weekend WITHOUT falling off the wagon and letting myself over-indulge!!
I went up to Fargo on Thursday for my screening. That evening my sister, Nikki offered to take me out to eat at Chili's because I've never been there before. They were closed, so we went to TGIF's instead. (they have an extensive, tasty looking menu). The cool thing about NOT eating meat, I have to say, is that when I look at a menu NO MATTER what the dish says, what's in it, the second I see meat, I skip it and look for something meat free. In other words, it's ALSO easier to avoid temptation with overly-fatty foods. Usually I'd go for a steak or chicken and pasta dish when dining out. This place had LOTS of options, but I only zeroed in on a few that were to my liking. Nikki got annoyed with me because she wanted a quesadilla and I told her to get it, but that I wouldn't have any. {Insert annoyed sister look AND grunt}
Then she asked if I'd eat the fried green beans as an appetizer. I said yes (they sounded neat, and I love that stuff that gets made at Thanksgiving and Christmas). They were good... lol
For my entree I ordered this Caprese salad thing that had pasta, tomatoes, basil, olive oil, mozzerella (sp?..i don't know), and breaded eggplant. I'd never had eggplant, and what better time to try something than when someone else is offering to pay?! So, I ordered that and asked the waiter to please box half of it before bringing it to the table.
{Insert ANOTHER annoyed look and more annoyed grunt from the sister}
When my food came, (with a box on the side, that I had to fill myself) and I ate my food, it was good. I enjoyed the eggplant, so that was exciting to have a "new food" crossed off my list of things I wanted to try. We didn't get dessert or anything and I had water to drink. Very good job, if I do say so myself.
The next day I ate the rest of my pasta for lunch, and went to check into Pracs. I told myself that if I didn't think I'd get dosed (if there were too many people there, or they told me that I had to do a repeat or something) that I'd just leave, so I could keep staying meat free.
I got in.
Here is the logic that I gave myself to allow it to be ok. IF I hadn't done the study, they would've STILL gotten someone else and that someone else WOULDVE eaten the breakfast that I got. It's not like I ordered it, or bought it at the store to which would aid in the supply & demand of it, instead I just got it instead of someone else. In other words, that food was being made and served no matter what. Other veggies might not agree with my "ok" on the situation, but I don't care. I needed the cash, since I haven't done a study since March, and the next time I check in will be for Nikki's b-day (weekend of June 6th) and so I won't be driving all that way for nothing (5 hours!) I'll get paid for it!
This isn't to say that I've abandoned my previous thoughts. I'm still meat-free now, and will continue until I check back in. Then on June 9th, I'll make the decision on whether or not I want to do the full-blown vegan thing or not. Time will tell.
So, that was my weekend, and SOMEHOW after the 4 days of not working out, and Fri, Sat, and Sun not being in control of my food, I still have a small loss to show. That's about a million times BETTER than the 3 pound gain (AT LEAST) that I was 100% EXPECTING! So, that's awesome, and that was exciting!
I'll be hitting the gym here in about an hour, hopefully I didn't lose too much of my endurance. I WON Shane and my little competition (is there any surprise? lol) But, now he vows to never have one with me again, since he has yet to win (he also has yet to eat healthful and commit to the gym the way I do...lol), my next mini-goal I'm setting up for the day of Nikki's B-day party. She wants everyone to get uber-dressed up and I'd be okay with losing a couple lbs and toning a small bit before getting 'said' dress or whatnot. :)
Love you all! (and thank you for the support!!! )
Ashley

weight: 135.4
(i'm NO longer "overweight" for my height/weight, WOO-HOO!!)

lbs to lose to hit mini-goal: 4

time left to hit goal: 13 days

I did it.
I am the smallest I've been as an adult.
Usually I'm stoked and SUPER happy at progress such as this. Especially since in the last week my weight has decided to work with me and not against me. Working out AND eating healthy wasn't getting me anywhere for a little while there. My body finally decided to let go of the "set point" I think it had reserved for me.
Problem is, I'm to go to Pracs this weekend. Here I am at my new "low" and I am scared to death. I don't want a downward spiral that seems to happen every other time. I don't even want to eat the Pracs food. I actually told Shane that I think I shouldn't go, maybe do a different study in June. He got annoyed with me. He was trying to set up babysitting with his mom and sister, so he didn't like me coming in and ruining the "plans" eventhough those plans hadn't been figured out yet. He still hadn't heard back from them.
So, here I am sitting in this annoyed place because I'd have to leave tomorrow to screen, HOPE that me hitting the gym YESTERDAY won't count against me, check-in to Pracs FRIDAY, and eat the nasty FATTY breakfast that I HATE with MEAT on Saturday and Sunday morning. I do that twice and I get an easy one grand. Why does this seem like the least easy grand ever though? For me it's choosing between my new moral decision and money. Alot of people would say: "take the money! you're ONLY eating meat because you're getting paid for it" but then what stops me from doing it any other time? I feel like if I make an excuse for it this time, that makes it "ok" to make an excuse another time. I don't think I'm ok with that, but I don't really know what to do. Another downside for ME, although Shane really just doesn't seem to get me, is that I just lost a stubborn 5 lbs that I haven't been able to before. I'm in a new place. Going to Pracs and their overly buttery/greasy food will make me gain about 5 over the weekend and SURE I can lose that when I get out, but uh, talk about ANNOYING.
But Shane is giving me a guilt trip and I am NOT good under those circumstances. I wish I wasn't such a people pleaser. I wish I didn't care what people thought.
Any insight, feel free to throw your opinion out there. Thanks for listening and sorry I'm not my usual chipper self.
Ashley

weight: 135.6

lbs left to mini-goal: 0.6

time left to hit mini-goal: 2 days

thanks ms. J....
:)

p.s. btw: weighed in at 137 on the dot this morning. too cool! I have my highest weight as 226 (if you click on it, there's a link)because that's what I was at my highest, on the day I delivered my baby. After having him and when things settled a little I was 211 for a little while. Goal weight is 116 ONLY because of my height. If I get to 120-125-130 I don't care, it's how I look and feel. When I'm there I'll know, and then I'll stop, so I don't want to hear anything about numbers being "too low" or "not low enough". :)
Happy Tuesday!