Last night was hard. (early morning I should say) I was talking to the soon2be ex, and we were talking custody of the kiddies, vehicles, money, and all that fun stuff. When we got off the phone I cried and cried, and cried. It was really hard for me, and I didn't get to sleep which is unfortunate because I go back to work and pull a 20-hour shift here in an hour. BUT, I stopped and thought about it this morning and decided THAT'S it! I cried, got it out of my system. I'm done now. Why should I care anymore about that relationship that is now history? It was more than obvious on the phone that he couldn't care less, so why should I? If he is going to move on so soon, so shall I. I had a really bad break-up back in high school and I took awhile to get over it. I don't want that again. Nothing is going to change, nothing is going to get better if I dwell on it. So guess what? I won't. As of now, it's in my past, and staying there. You only live once, and life is short. I'm not wasting ANY MORE time thinking about what could've been, or HIM.
ONTO THE FITNESS!
I have about 7 weeks until New Years. That 15lbs won't seem to come fast enough. I went the the gym this morning with the couple of hours I have off from work. I'm using them to shower and workout. Fun... lol.
Sorry this entry isn't much, but I need to go hit that shower now. I didn't really have a whole bunch of time to do anything. I will get to you guys sometime tomorrow I hope. OH, and I'm applying for a new job that I REALLY REALLY want, so wish me luck. Then I don't have to worry about my little children and me. I'll know that we will be okay. It's gonna be hard to be on our own, but I can't be with a guy who wants to date other girls...

Weight: 160 lbs

Calories Burned: 665

Calories Eaten: no clue, have to bring food to work. will update later

Weight loss since Oct. 20: 13 lbs

I figured since I got my Halloween pics back, I'd show you guys some...(i'm only 4lbs lighter, presently, but it's getting better! Last halloween I was 226lbs and waiting to have my baby, that was my due date!)




Then, I already posted my "Friday" stuff under this post...

HI ALL!! My last post got the most comments ever. That was pretty nice! Maybe something sad should happen to me everyday... j/k . I'm doing really well today. I woke up and didn't feel as badly as I expected I would. I actually felt pretty great. Those 5 miles did rid me of that evil pound. (haha pound! I beat you!) Now, I'm just excited knowing that this time next week I should be in the 150s!! Okay, yeah, I thought that last week too, but eventhough I wasn't losing weight, I was losing inches. I can tell.
Hmm, well, today I got up at 7:30am (yawn ) to go to the gym, and I was really 'machine antsy.' I dont know if it's because I ran for a whole hour yesterday, but I only wanted to burn 100 calories at a time doing something, and then switch. (actually worked out nicely because it went super fast then!) So, I did 100 worth of regular level 9 elliptical. (that's my normal level these days), 100 calories going backwards on the elliptical (which I hate) 100 going forward again at level 10, then 100 at my STEEP-A$$ incline on the treadmill, then the same elliptical stuff. Kept me busy!
I'm writing early today because I work tonight. I get to bring a micro-meal! yea! That's a luxury now, since the last few weeks I'd bring an apple/natural peanut butter/walnuts/ and cut them up and mix it up. voila! dinner. not anymore... hehe.
Okay, tomorrow I might not write because I get off my job at 8am, then work again at noon for the following 20 hours!!! I don't think I'll even get to work out. That'll suck. Oh well, we'll see I guess.
LoVe Ya'LL

Weight: 160 lbs

Calories Burned: 940

Calories Eaten: (including stuff I'm packing to bring) 1150

Weight loss since Oct. 20, 2006: 13 lbs.

Today marks the end of three weeks. (among other things. ) My original goal was to be this sexy hot thing for when my hubby was gonna come back from his classes. He's still gone for another 5 weeks. BUT, I suppose I should re-analyze my goal. How about New Years? I'll work hard like a freak until New Years, and then I'll do it more calmly and much more slow and normal. Then I can start 2007 fresh, (and hopefully hot. ) I guess my goal will be.... hmm.... New years is about, what? like 7 and 1/2 weeks away? We'll go with 7. In the next 7 weeks I want to lose 15 lbs. Not TOO ambitious, but definately work! Then I'll be 146 and feel great when that ball drops!
I did end up going to the gym and working out like CRAZY. How crazy? Well, remember quite a few blogs back when I ran over 3 miles and was so excited, I made my new goal to run 5 by Dec. 15?? Well, I did. Five Miles. Wow. Where in the world did that come from? I had some serious inner strength I hadn't felt in a long time. I told myself when I got on that treadmill that I was either gonna run until my legs fell off, or until the treadmills maximum time ran out. Well, I went until the time ran out. An hour, so, 5 miles. I felt good, but not as elated as I would have if it would have been last week. But, it's still a pretty great milestone for me physically.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna get all bummy and depressing to anyone who reads this. I'm a very upbeat person, and since I KNOW I'm doing the right thing, I'll be okay.
The only thing I'm worried about is my diet. When you THINK SO HARD, about SO MUCH, you kind of have a loss of appetite. Or an increase of one. So far for me, it has been loss. I did pull into a store parking lot tonight and actually think through going inside and buying all the ingredients for a yummy taco salad. Then coming home, ordering pizza, ooey, gooey, cheesesticks, and some ice cold soda.... but I didn't. I couldn't stomach that idea completely. That would have made me wake up tomorrow ALOT more out-of-sorts.
My only hope for today? That the 5 mile run aided in me losing that blasted pound that doesn't want to go back away! Leave pound, leave!
Thank you for the positive thoughts, and hope everyone has a great weekend. Remember, if I go through this and don't gorge on ice cream and cookies, so can you. I'm weak, I just don't want to be a single mom, AND feel like crap about my body. Not a good combination when going back out on your own! LoVe Ya'LL

Weight: 161 lbs

Calories Burned: 1100

Calories Eaten: 1100

Weight Loss since Oct. 20th: 12 lbs

Well, today marks seven years since my husband and I first talked on the phone. I was told he wanted me to call him, and I did. We set up a date for two days later on Nov. 11th. Seven years to the day. Today that all came crashing down. I won't give out particulars on details because that is unfair on him, and now that things are finished I have NO reason to create any unneeded friction. There is also no reason to say too much because this is a weight loss/fitness blog, not a relationship blog. I just wanted to put it out there, because if my workouts/diet start to seem a little different, that's the reason behind it.
I don't know if this new turn of events will lead me in the direction of working out harder and eating better, since I will want to be in great shape as a newly single mother of two kids. (yikes!). Or if I will give in to emotions and fear and let depression and fast food take hold. I don't want to do the second one, but at the same time this is going to be a very hard next few months for me, and I don't know what kind of feelings I will be going through.
This is the same reason I was at the gym so long yesterday "talking" my poor friend's ear off. It's hard to work out when you just want to sit and cry.
Wish me luck, and I hope to write again soon. I also hope to sort out who I am going to become after this is all said and done.
Thank you for listening.